Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
