Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
