part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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