Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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