I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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