i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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