Jerry, you need to find god
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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