we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
