He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
