I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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