so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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