god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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