To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
