google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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