dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
