Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
