I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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