We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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