i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
