her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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