can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize