your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
