This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
