I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize