I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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