I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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