when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
