i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
