i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize