Acid is not a monday night drug
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
