Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
