I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i think my cat just said my name.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
