Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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