He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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