And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
