please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
