I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
