Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
