I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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