I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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