The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize