somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
