I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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