Betty ford says i'm here all night
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
