and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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