I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
