my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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