My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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