Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
