If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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