It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
