At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
