Screwed.edu
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
FUCK WHALES
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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