; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
