I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
