Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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