that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
