Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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