ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
