You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
