i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
