I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize