I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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