i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
