i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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