i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
