Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
