very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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