John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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