is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
