He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
