i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
