I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
