when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can I color on your dick again?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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